Monday, May 3, 2010

Reason, Season or a Lifetime

They always say that people come into your life for a purpose. There's a quote on that somewhere... where is it...ah, here it is:
People come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.

I love that quote, not only because it seems to ring true but because it gives great depth and meaning to situations you can't quite figure out (much like how "everything happens for a reason" helps me when I'm in a situation and I'm pretty much feeling f&%$ed- oh well, mind over matter right?)

This last weekend, I had encounters with two people who I thought would be in my life for all the time frames in the quote, but life doesn't quite work that way.

I have a few exes: No- not all are people I hope to be friends with or choose to continue to spend any time with. But I have a couple exes who were such decent people that the absence of them in my life post break-up was heartbreaking but not just because we ended a romantic relationship. It was watching an amazing friend who unconditionally took me as I am- leaving my life. Not every break-up is because someone was awful or one-party was worse than the other, sometimes you just reach the end and as saddening as it is- it's time to let go.

{What do you do after a relationship is over with a good friend?}

There have been many snow days and summer picnics since I was together with either of these Men: Spring has come and gone many times over and newborns at the time of our demise are likely attending school now.

However, time has served as an asset in allowing me to maintain friendships with these two men. Friendships that, in the midst of our debilitating break-ups, didn't seem possible.

This last weekend, one of these men invited me to fill-in for his co-ed basketball team. Their regular girl couldn't make the game and they had to have two females to be eligible to play. Seeing how this Ex and I basked in being high school athletes through and through and once we were an item, we used to forgo traditional dates in lieu of doing athletic stuff together, he thought to call me and ask if I could play. I hang out with him frequently, but something about this event struck me more so than others.

{I usually do not have athletic pictures because who has cameras during those ventures? But The Boy took some shots as he watched the game. And despite how ugly I look, I do like to show different sides of my life besides the usual writing about shopping ventures etc. because there's more to me than that}
I arrived with the Boy and played on a basketball team that consisted of two guys, my Ex and his new girlfriend. I felt so blessed and happy to be able to have such a great time with my old friend because he really is someone I hope to know as I get older for the most honest of reasons. (PS I also loved playing the Sport! I always played Sports growing up and 3 sports/year every year of high school-though basketball was my favorite always. Some great memories.)

{Pics from Sunday 5.2.10: You know what I hate more than wearing t-shirts? Wearing basketball shorts. Sick! But alas, I was informed I had to in order to play and my Ex lent me a pair of his- the dreaded long shorts.}

My other Ex was with me during a particularly hard time in his life - the loss of a parent. We had always been close but this brought us insanely closer. His family was States away as we had met at the University of my home state, not his, so I knew he needed a tangible comfort always nearby. In this horrendous and saddening time for both of us; we became like family members. We talked with tender ears about everything: family, hopes, fears, dreams- nothing was ever off the table. Our parting was one of the saddest times in my life because I was not just "dating" him, I cared for and about him with every ounce of my being and you can't just sweep that under the rug.

{Support is support}

This last week, I was struggling internally with an issue he was familiar about because we used to discuss it many years ago. I just wanted someone who knew the situation and who wouldn't judge to give me his pointers. I emailed him and he came through ten-fold for me: offering me support, wisdom, encouragement in every way. I again felt so blessed that this person who had left my life romantically so long ago but was present in my mind to this day: was still someone I would call one of the more important people in my life.

As I sat here and reflected on both of these recent encounters, I believed that I had a lot to do with these positive relationships now. I let these two men in at some point in my life because they were and are, very, very, very good people.

We are no longer what we were and we don't feel what we felt so deeply before- but that makes these friendships special and unique- always extra consideration for one another, even if it's not explicitly expressed. It's comforting to know that with all I feel I do wrong sometimes that I do make good choices about who comes into my life.

And I want the solid ones there for as long as they'll stay- whether that does mean a reason, a season or lifetime.

Images via WeHeartIt
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Sweetly Surprised said...

Aw, this made me get tears. (This is Jenna, btw). It was fate for you to write this and for me to read this, even if I feel sad.
I loved it. :)

Sher said...

Such a meaningful post, Caitlyn! It's really so great that you're still able to keep deep friendships with your exes. I wish I had that kind of relationships with mine. It always saddens me when I think that someone who used to be the closest person to me is now a stranger:(

Amanda @ Life with A.Co said...

Awww yeah, so true. Sorry to hear about the hardships you are going through - but it's nice to know that (like you said) you can count on an old friend.

LOVE the basketball shots! I used to play when I was younger and I miss it.

Basketball shorts! LOL! YES! Brings me back ;)

Hope your days get brighter.

A.Co @ A.Co est. 1984

Amanda @ Life with A.Co said...

PS - I almost forgot! I had a dream about you last night! LOL.

It's a little fuzzy, but we were friends in real life and were hanging out.

Not sure what we did or how we had met, lol, but ya. SO RANDOM!

Mari said...

You look so good and sporty and this was inspiring to stay in touch or never fully cross out people who where there for you because it's not conventional anymore for them to have any sort of relationship with you anymore.

daisychain said...

what a darling post

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

Love this post. so cute.

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Oh Caitlin, I so feel you on this thing... Let me find one great little video for you... Here:

Watch it, it's so inspiring. And here are some excerpts for you. I wrote those lines down when I watched the video for the first time:

"I put everybody that comes to my life in a category of a tree.

Some people are like leaves on a tree: wind blows, they're over here, they're unstable.
It blows the other way, they're over here. Season changes, they die, they're gone.
It's alright, most people in the world are like that: they're just there to take from the tree, they ain't there to do nothing but take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do.
But don't get mad at people like that.
That's who they are, that's what they're put on this Earth to be - a leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree, you gotta be careful with them branches too, 'cause they're fooling you.
They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong, but the minute you step out your home they break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed, 'cause those are the kind of people that ain't going nowhere.
A tree can have a hundred million branches, but only a few roots that are at the bottom.
When you get yourself some roots, hold on to them, but the rest - just let them go.
No matter how much it hurts, let them go.

Some people come to your life for a lifetime and some come for a season, and you got to know which is which. And you gon' always mess up when you mix people of season with lifetime expectations. But if somebody wanna walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you've done everything you could and have been the best man or the best woman you could be and they still wanna go - let them go. Get up and go on with your life. It's alright to sit around, be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do whatever you have to, but don't stay there too long"

bananas. said...

I don't believe everything happens for a reason but i do believe there is a reason for every person in your life and a lesson learned.

Btw you look great in men's b-ball shorts. Pretty sure those would be at my ankles with my little legs. Ha!

Scrummys said...

Love it! I called Ken over the weekend to talk about a topic only he would understand. It's great to keep the ex-boyfriends in your life because most of them were a huge part of it at one point :)

Alison Kinsey said...

Caitlin, I loved this post and agree with the comment above that commented on its meaningfulness. That is so great you were able to keep both of these men in your life as friends! And have that fun experience playing b-ball!
I always use quotes like that to get through difficult times as well. Especially 'everything happens for a reason.'

Holly Lefevre said...

I value all of my friends for various reasons...and I know who will always be there for me when I need them. I have 3 friends I have know forever...2 since 2nd grade. They are always there for me. Beautifully written! Thanks for letting us see you in basketball shorts...but you still looked good.

Leah said...

Caitlin, just one word: destiny. I believe in destiny. Everything that's happening in your life now and the people you encounter are parts of the grand scheme for you. Just live your life... xoxo

Unknown said...

oh i really love this post girlie xxxxxxxx

bananas. said...

Oh lady i wasn't talking about you in my post about having babies. It was more directed to the people on fb who kept telling me to just give in and have babies. Lol.

erika sorocco said...

Awww...I love you for this post, Caitlin. I think that's what is so tough about are literally saying goodbye to someone who you let your guard down for, and who was there for you through thick and thin. It is amazing that you have been able to stay friends with some of yours. Actually, this post makes me want to reconnect with some of my exes. It seems they always pop up in your mind at the most impromptu moments. :)

Jaime @ laviejaime said...

That's so nice/great that he was there for you.. I am a firm believer in fate and people being in my life for a reason.

Happy Cinco de Mayo :)

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Anonymous said...

Oh girlie! I am SO trying to catch up with your blog! I've been SO out of the loop since we returned from our vacay LAST MONTH! I'm having a really hard time getting back into blogging, but after reading your blog, I'm going to get back into it! I miss seeing your sweet comments and CUTE outfits! I think of you often when I put on my Northface fleece coat (trying to get a little more fashion-forward for ya!) Your sisters wedding looks amazing and I too have a crush on Sofia (gorgeous!!) Want to see some photos of your new digs soon! Take care and come visit me!

Nathalie said...

You are really blessed that these two important persons still have their place in your life. And it must have been so much fun playing basketball together. Btw, you look great in these shorts... and this is what I admire about your blog, it is so you :)

Amanda said...

Such a great quote. I love it :) And the second one as well. Having those really close friendships means more than anything. Thanks for sharing :)