Sunday, May 8, 2011

getting older but still too young

I remember being in high school and being creeped out by the attention of older men (rightfully so). A lingering eye by a Man any age north of 30 and I would feel uncomfortable and awkward. That all made sense- I was still a teen who wore Abercrombie and had a curfew, being a bit peeved by older men who creeped was acceptable.

But now, I'm older. I'm in the later part of my 20's (BARELY) and I spend the majority of my weeks in clothes that are fitting of a young lady as opposed to a juvenile girl. Now, as I am in a solid relationship, this is all kinda a moot point. However, being the age that I am, with the experience and job that I have, if I were a single girl, I would definitely consider dating men who are in their 40s or younger. It's just not scary anymore to talk to them and I find that I can contribute to an adult conversation with ease. The age-gap isn't too gruesome anymore.
{The older men drove in packs. These ones found us at a Brew Fest summer 2010}

HOWEVER, last week I popped away from my Desk to run to Starbucks around 10 AM Tuesday morning. As I stood and waited for my coffee, a man who had to have been at least 55 started chatting with me about the weather, my drink order, etc. I laughed and we had a nice convo that filled the 2-minute wait. Upon receiving my order, I smiled a nice smile to him, wished him a good day and headed for the door. "Hey!" I heard him say as I stepped out onto the sidewalk "Would you like to get dinner sometime?"

Really?!? Here's the thing: I was definitely dressed more appropriately that day and he may have thought I was a bit older than I am. And, like I said, I would be willing to date an older man if I were single. But in his 50s?!? That's the same age range as my Dad and I truly do not think I would ever be qualified to substantiate a relationship given that large age gap.

Here's a few reasons why men in their 50s wouldn't want to date me:
Y'know the scene in Dumb & Dumber when Harry gets violently ill on the toilet? There's sound effects and funny faces... and that scene never ceases to make me crack-up. Yes, I still enjoy juvenile potty humor.

I still like to go out regularly. I don't go out as much as I used to but I often find myself in a short dress on a Friday night and usually, I am headed off with my Friends to a trendy venue...and undoubtedly, we have just drank some cheap wine/vodka/beer prior to headin' out.

I'm still figuring out my life in many ways- where do I want to end up, where my career will truly go and questioning the decisions I have or haven't made that lead to where I am. It's semi teen-angstish.

I like to sleep in on the weekends when I can. Sometimes until, gasp, 11 AM.

I spend my money on stupid purchases still. I like to get my hair done and buy nice champagne. I imagine most older men have figured out the value of a dollar by now and would cringe watching me plunk down $20 on hair balm.

I love rap music. And I play it frequently and often. I have yet to meet an adult in their 50's who enjoys listening to that.

I would maybe want to date your son over you. That's really just a math equation seeing how Junior might actually know what the word "totes" means and understand why I keep saying "Gotta get down on Friday...".

I would likely be grossed out if we ever fooled around. Not because older men are gross but just because, I really do not need to have the knowledge in my head that men in their 50s and up are still sexual beings. These are the ages of most of the parents in my world (mine, my friends', etc.) and the last thing I care to know is that they are just as perverted as high school boys.

So 50-something Sir, I respectfully decline your invitation to dinner but appreciate the offer.

And George Clooney: you are the exception to this rule. I actually think we would be great together.

What's too old or too young for you???


this free bird said...

okay what's with the old daddio's thinking they can roll up on younger women like it's a-okay?? i had some guy my dad's age stop me in the grocery store to tell me i was "striking" and he just had to tell me...uh, thanks now plz leave me alone stalker!!


didn't you want to keep looking over your shoulder as you walked away?? *shudder*

i think it's inappropriate. but maybe in their heads they still think they're 30 or 40? hell if i know.


Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Ha, I kept smiling like crazy through the whole post!!! :))))) I still am!!! :)) Love your reasoning and how you structured this whole post. And even though I certainly do have a lot of thoughts to share regarding the matter, I would rather refrain from doing so publicly on the internet in order to escape being misunderstood and all :) But I guess I'll send you a quick email right now :)

P.S. Yes, I like those little leaf notes too! The whole website seems to be very in line with what I like, I'm so glad I found it, it's inspiring! And wow, what a coinsidence that they're so close to you!

Leia said...

You know, I think it really depends on the situation. Right now, as a 22 year old girl, most people would expect me to date someone in their 20s. But honestly, I prefer men a bit older because I find them more mature and grounded - more likely to have stability in their jobs and lives. My fiancé is 32, and a lot of people think that's a HUGE age gap. But honestly, it's just perfect for me - we're on the same wavelength and both enjoy the same things, plus I feel he's just the right amount of grown-up to counteract my juvenility :)


| C AND C | Sarmin said...

Oh goodness this was funny...Some very good points. & didn't Clooney just turn 50 last week? I think he did. I am so trying to get with this 33 year old, I am 23...Its not that bad. Is it?


Tina said...

Ohh man... a guy hitting on me that could be the age of my father does freak me out. In fact, i've had it happen too! lol I don't even know where my boundary would begin... I'm thinking I wouldn't go too old lol

Unknown said...

lol...this is an interesting post :)

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!!!!!!! SOOOO hilarious <3 But so true at the same point, and while girls like to be flattered and hit on, it can also be uncomfortable.

I'm basically your age, and I would say that 40+ is too old, and anything 25 and younger is too young. Doesn't leave too much of a gap for younger guys...but I remember how uncertain I was when I was younger than 25 and I would not want to endure that over on the other end of things. My boyfriend is a year older than it works just find. But yes, like you said, Mr. Clooney is totally the exception to the rule. ;-)

Natasha Gregson said...

haha, love this post made me smile and laugh :) I totally get what you mean, 50 is way tooo old, but then again it seems even more ancient since I am the high school, ambercrombie wearing teen you describe!! haha, I think my limit would be 8 years at a push if they were quite immature and on my level!! Again, great post xxxx

Anonymous said...

Loved this post! I used to think it was so creepy when we were in 8th grade and high school guys would hit on us. Ew. But once I turned 18, I figured out that I was so much more mature than a lot of guys my age. My Hubs is 5.5 - 6 yrs older than me and I love it! I felt like he (and most guys older than me) was more ready to settle down, were done "having fun"/partying, but could still go out and have a great time WITH ME!

mirmirzimzim said...

the last update was thurs and i've been dutifully checking daily, but i must say this post was worth the wait. so funny you are. xo.

Anonymous said...

Dads age (or older?!) would definitely be too weird!

Unknown said...

Oh boy that totally would have creeped me out... I'm right along side you with all the reasons why an older guy would NOT want to date me... Rap music, potty humour, the whole nine yards! I am currently single (have been for almost 2 years) and have a hard time finding a mature guy close to my age (25)... I always say the oldest I will go is 32... 34 is really really pushing it... but realistically to find a guy with the same "life stage" as me I would have to be looking very close to 30... Great post by the way!

Lindsey @ The Hill House said...

I whole-heartedly agree!! I'm not sure my parents would ever, ever be able to accept my man if he were that much older than me. Too funny.

Dirt On The Rocks said...

I've had much older men compliment me before at a bar, but never ask me out to dinner or anything. I guess the man that you came across was at least polite to ask you to dinner rather than just hit on you disgustingly. You're a beautiful woman and at that I wouldn't be surprised men of all ages hit you :)

Definitely like your breakdown on why you wouldn't date a much, much older man

noone said...

hahahaa love your reasoning, I don't think I can date a man in their 50's as well right now! I love going out too much and yea, the sex would gross me out. i was watching that movie with claire danes and some old dude and there was a sex scene and it grossed me out, and they're celebrities!

Unknown said...

This is your Mom who is, as you know, single in her 50s, so I will try to answer without making you cognizant of the fact that I am indeed Your Mother and I am Single in My 50s...

Too young is any man closer in age to my daughters than to me or who brings out any mothering instinct in me, no matter what year he was born. Yuck on both counts.

Too old is a man who can't imagine eating dinner after 8 p.m. or who ends his nights by 10. Any man who asks me if I am going to have a 2nd cocktail (!) and/or tells me how to do things when I didn't ask for advice is also too old for me.

A man who hasn't been to a live performance of ANYTHING in the last 3 years is clearly much too old for me.

Unknown said...

As far as 50-year-old-men hitting on you young 20-somethings. As I have aged I've watched my male friends age too and they seem to go through something when they hit 50 and it may just be coming face-to-face with their mortality. I think some turn old really quickly, some are realistic and OK about it and some decide to go for it! They buy the hot car, they ask the gorgeous young woman who was so friendly in the coffee line if she'd like to go to dinner. They see you as a woman but don't realize you see them as "eww... the same age as my DAD!!"

I don't think they see how creepy it is for you girls because they don't see themselves as "that old" yet. Hopefully all you have to do is politely decline.

bananas. said...

yeeeeaaa i dunno about older men. i mean mayyybe but i'm fairly picky if the man is old. unless it's bruce willis b/c gawd DAMN i love that man!

but funny that you mention the story of the 50 year old...i was at a restaurant bar when a guy psstted (you know when they say psstt to get your attention) and then said "hey my friend wants to meet you." i looked at his friend and he was like mid-50's! i was like WTF! uh no.

Anonymous said...

ROTFL!!! yes, it would totally gross me out! dating anyone over 4 years to me these days, is just not for me. waayyy ttooo much life differences, and yes, i want to party some nights and not help someone in their walker. i know that sounds mean, but dating someone in their 50's is not for me. btw, it's okay if you don't have a smart phone. bf doesn't have one either. :)

Kara said...

Ok, let me just start off by saying that I'm OBSESSED with this post.

One of the things that makes me feel icky is people who date other people that are much older or younger than they are. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, I just feel like anyone dating anyone with a huge age difference is super creepy. To me, I view older people as elders or mentors and relate to them like aunts or uncles or professors, and I view younger folks as kids. I only date people my own age! That's it. The oldest guy I dated was only 7 years older than I was and it still felt really awkward for me, mostly for all the reasons you listed above.

I say, date folks your age!

Raven said...

ahahahahaha LOVED this! Did you know that my husband is 15 years older than me? He will be 46 next month! I JUST turned 30. and you know what? I always carry around a picture of him because when I run into people and they ask about my husband, I feel kinda funny saying he is 46 years old, not that it bothers me AT ALL because I think he is gorgeous and fun, but I don't want other people thinking I married this old haggard old man just for his money, so I always carry his pic so they can SEE how hot he is and not some frumpy fat old man ha!

I can TOTALLY see why a guy would be interested in him who was in his 40's, AND 50's for that matter! You are one hottie!!!

Raven said...

ahahahahaha LOVED this! Did you know that my husband is 15 years older than me? He will be 46 next month! I JUST turned 30. and you know what? I always carry around a picture of him because when I run into people and they ask about my husband, I feel kinda funny saying he is 46 years old, not that it bothers me AT ALL because I think he is gorgeous and fun, but I don't want other people thinking I married this old haggard old man just for his money, so I always carry his pic so they can SEE how hot he is and not some frumpy fat old man ha!

I can TOTALLY see why a guy would be interested in him who was in his 40's, AND 50's for that matter! You are one hottie!!!

Jaime @ laviejaime said...

hahaa i love this post. it's so odd when old guys hit on me and my friends too. once when i was 21, i went to visit my college friend in saratoga, ny, and this wicked old guy saw us at the bar and became OBSESSED with us- buying us drinks at the bar, saying he'd fly us to vegas. lol his name was frankie and we took a pic of him. any time i see it, i hysterically laugh. in truth,my max is 35...and that's pushing it.

ellinelle said...

..cant stop laughing about picture ----> older men :)))))

Mandy @ In the Fashion Lane said...

AMEN! This post is so awesome. Always love how real you are! I draw the line at anyone 15 years older than me.

Panty Buns said...

It's good I knew you already had a nice boyfriend, had made a previous commitment (a permanent proposal of marriage to a woman I haven't seen in 40 years) and didn't try to hit on you. I do think you're attractive and am old enough to be your grandfather. Hope I haven't been creeping my fellow fashionista bloggers out too much since I'm an older man who's male-modeled panties (just did a new post) and commented on their blogs.