Monday, November 14, 2011

The 99% verses the 1%

Of all the evils in the all the land, there's few lower than those of a cab driver. I wish death upon them HATE them.

Here's the obligatory PC statement: I have had a few cab drivers who were a little less than sucked... in fact, they were AWESOME. Hilarious even. Much like a new outfit, they were a contributing factor to me enjoying my night even more, especially because whenever I'm taking a cab, I'm usually already expecting an adventure.

{what it looks like inside a 1% driver cab ride}

What a delight when they play into that. I love/appreciate/tip like a Rockefeller when I encounter that service on my ride.

But those drivers are the 1%.


Let's discuss the 99%.

Hi 99% of Cab Drivers. Look below... do you know that is??

Get with the times- this is a Debit card.
"
A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water. - My first car didn't cost $1,200."
"Well, welcome to the 90's, Moster Bonks.
"


It's called a DEBIT card. People use it to pay for items. In my experience, it's more common than cash these days. In fact, when I call your lovely cab company to book this sh*tty, dispirited ride- the automated voice gaily tells me that not only do you ACCEPT my Mastercard but that you GLADLY accept it. I'm free to pay my fare with it, right?

Wrong. The good ol' bait and switch! Every ride I have (minus that 1%... we can't forget the 1% that deserve my respect), the driver nearly b*tches me out when I SHOW THEM THE PLASTIC MONEY. My "thanks for the ride!" (really, I do that) and jutting arm with the card towards them is always greeted with a sour face and some form of "YOU DON'T HAVE CASH?" or "YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT WHEN YOU GOT IN THE CAR!" or "I CAN ONLY TAKE CASH!" which is the oldest trick in the book. Want to see some magic? Tell them that NO, REALLY you only have a card to pay with and out of thin air, a credit card machine is produced. Bravo, Good Sir- can you also produce a rabbit??


{What it looks like inside a 99% car ride}

Despite this, last weekend I was especially excited to appease my abusers. I ordered a cab to take me to a dinner party downtown which had already specified to bring them Benjamins for the ensuing check. This meant that I would get to gleefully surprise the cab driver with my fist full of cold, hard cash- the form of payment that has apparently long eluded them.

Upon arriving at my destination, the quiet, reserved, obvious a$$hole potential cab driver turned back to me and wryly muttered: "You owe $6.80."

Like a kid on Christmas, I reached into my purse and felt my fat fingers close around a Twenty-dollar-bill- "Here you go!" I said as I passed it into his palm.

One look and the cab driver annoyingly asked- "What? You don't have anything smaller than a 20?"

F*ck you all, I'm going to start carrying Pennies.
Exclusively.
That I rubbed on my Dog's Butt.

Photobucket

22 comments:

Katie said...

That would annoy me to no end. I never carry cash!

rinniez said...

hahaha they should be happy they are getting paid at all, i know plenty of people that live around me on campus that just run away without leaving a cent!
:)
xx

| C AND C | Sarmin said...

I am sorry!
Um, I always carry cash with me, & have penalty of change. I always pay in exact change.

xo SARMIN

Little Ms. Fun said...

LOL!!!!! Aww at least you tried to make them happy! Pennies that you rubbed on ur dogs butt. You need to video tape that so we can have a serious laugh! Living in NY, I hear you about the cabs. They are awful. They are rude, can't drive, and their cab always skeeves me. Yuck!!

Kim's Vanity said...

WHAT IS WRONG with cab drivers over there? I've never encountered anything like this up here in Canada!!! Geeez.

Slamdunk said...

Ouch.

Not to pile on cabbies or be disagreeable (with Kim's comment), but my most memorable event of my one visit to Montreal, was a horrible long ride from the airport to the hotel. Yuck.

Harriet said...

That's obnoxious. There's no reason for any business not to accept credit/debit cards anymore. Can you imagine going to a restaurant and having the waiter complain about having to run your CC? Ridiculous.

Mandee said...

you are so hilarious! I love this.

Britt said...

Hahahahah you just can't win these days!!

Vanessa said...

Wow, what jerks. Like, seriously?! This would piss me off to no end. Luckily for me, I rarely ever needs cabs (THANK THE LORD) because I couldn't deal with this. Also the fact that I always feel they are going to kill me with their shitty driving? So not worth it.

downtownchicagobarbie said...

I truly hate cab drivers with a passion. They drive way too fast, it stinks in their call all the time, they look for a tip for doing nothing, they are rude and etc, etc. I wouldn't use my debit card in their cab because I believe they would still my information. I hardly ever had any good experiences with them. Your right its only a 1%. Are you in Chicago yet?

Dirt On The Rocks said...

haha this made me laugh loudly at work. no really though, you're right every place should accept card nowadays, whether it'd be through your phone or those old school machines that just photo copies your card number. seriously, it's not that hard,.

http://dirtontherocks.com

inHERshoes said...

what cab company do you call? please don't tell me it's broadway or rose city?! when i lived downtown, i cabbed everywhere that isn't walking distance, it was a dream of a woman from L.A. i haven't had any issues with my cab rides in pdx - i always carry cash though cause you never know what they do with those numbers they swipe my card with.

Fash Boulevard said...

CAITLIN! You had me rolling with this post. you are hilarious. isn't it just so annoying. i don't it. it's almost 2012, come on people. haha. I've got a new post all about pushing your style to the edge of fashion. Love to hear what you think. Thanks, love. xo

http://fashboulevard.blogspot.com/

Leia said...

This is sooo annoying! I can't believe it! But I'm amazed they let you pay with cards at all (the 1%, I mean) - in London, in all the cabs I've been in, you're expected to pay with cash. And yeah, sometimes the cab drivers stink (like they try to flirt with me or impose their religious beliefs on me (?!)) but I'm always just thankful that I didn't have to take the bus/tube home!

BlackLOG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BlackLOG said...

With you 100% on my deep dislike of taxi drivers, one of the reasons why it is great not to drink is that I can drive everywhere – Once you know London and suss out when and where to park you get to enjoy free parking as well..... I did however suffer the delights of New York Cabbie, who in collusion with a hotel porter tried to rip us off. The hotel porter made such a fuss about getting us a cab, claiming that he didn’t want us to be ripped off by any old cabbie (yeah, why would we want that when we could be ripped off by one of his cousins...) He claimed the fair to Penn station would be $30 but could get it for us for $20.... Imagine my delight at the end of a very short trip – turned out to be just a couple of blocks.... Cousin Taxi driver tried to claim his $ 20 while I handed him $5 (What it showed on his metre, no he did not get a tip). I pointed out that if he had not put the metre on I probably would have paid up. I then offered to wait with him if he wanted to discuss it with the police but he drove off with a plume of smoke which was only overshadowed somewhat by the blue air that was erupting from his fowl mouth ....

love jenny xoxo said...

LOL this is great!! Some people are just never happy... glad I'm not one of them because that would suck! But I really like the penny idea!

XOXO

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Humm, I think my biggest pet peeve is when I pay cash and a person (those you don't tip, like a cashier at the grocery store) doesn't want to accept my pennies lol Like sometimes I would have just exactly the amount of money needed to be paid, down to a cent/kopeika/eurocent/whatever, and I would be glad to get rid of them finally and they say "nah, that little stuff, I don't need that" Since when does little money is no money? lol

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Caitlin, I just realized you haven't entered my giveaway? How come? Come do so here http://bit.ly/v6aTxt Today is the last day!

Yukilely said...

haha I have that Hello Kitty debit card! :)

Megan said...

LOL. i dont know what to even say to this. but seriously...no change for a $20?!