Thursday, April 19, 2012

April 20th.

It's Friday, let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief. In and out, in and out- weekend, weekend, weekend.

It just so happens to be April 20th. Which weighs on me every year for two reasons: Columbine & Hitler's Birthday. I don't pretend to be a Historian or someone "in the know" about either of the aforementioned events, but what I will tell you is that they interest me and thus I have researched them quite a bit. I am slightly enamored with the evil capabilities that seemingly normal people possess. It makes me sad, it makes me wonder: I think of these things every year on April 20th.

This intrigue also spans to current events. One instance of this is the July 4th 2011 killing of Lauren Astley. To turn a long, complicated story into a quick, concise summary, I'll explain as such: Lauren was a recent high-school graduate who was murdered by her long-term love turned recent ex of the same age. They had dated through much of high school and were in love, prominent in their school's communities and popular. She wanted to break up before college after noticing her drifting feelings. He struggled with this. And allegedly, that feeling ended with the headline of the boy-next-door murdering the girl-next-door.

My point in bringing this up is not to Debbie Downer a Friday, in fact- I would like to end this on a positive note. Her Father has now committed to speaking out about the trials of young love. He's hoping that no one else suffers the same fate of not only his daughter, but of her attacker who now faces extensive jail time. A young man who was once deeply entrenched in the Astleys' daily life.

Mr. Astley speaks at public venues to spread the message of healthy love and healthy break-ups. One of his many notable quotes from the lesson is this:

"“Do not spend time blasting your former partner — they did not choose to fall out of love with you.”

I'm not going through a break-up and this quote doesn't speak to my current life. However, I was astounded about its message and as someone who has gone through a hard break-up myself, I knew this was a good thought to let marinade over the weekend. Why are we always so mad at the person at the end of a relationship? Being broken-up with is horrible. Breaking up with someone is equally as such- his quote takes some of the pressure off: none of you chose this so let's all move onward and upward.

This weekend starts with one of the most notorious dates in modern history. I think a great way to outshine it lies in being cognizant of your actions: be kind, be nice, be forgiving.

Sorry for the deep talk-We'll catch up next week and I'll write about something a little less daunting... like the weird tweak my bangs are doing?

Happiest weekend to you.



Mandy @ In the Fashion Lane said...

I ALWAYS think of the same two events on 4/20 as well (along with the stoner celebrations). It is hard to realize what evil is in the world and how it transpires decade after decade. I know you love History (I do too). I pray that people continue to make the best out of tragedy like Mr. Astley!

Have a GREAT weekend my friend!

Kate Sparkles said...

Wow.. I have so much I want to reply to this.. but I think it really is important for young people to understand that a break up is not the end of their life. That they have a whole new future now and it might be different to what they had planned but that doesn't mean they need to destroy the other person. Kudos to her Dad for speaking out and trying to make a difference.
As for Hitler's birthday.. well I think we can all agree that there's nothing to celebrate there, nor Columbine.

and BANGS! Agh.. I always find they look good for about a week and then have a mind of their own!

Barry said...

No need to apologize to us for the deep talk Caitlin, I appreciate that you're socially conscious. Besides posts like this give your blog a nice balance. I guess you could say it was your looks that caught my eye but your intelligence (and personality) that keep me reading.

Random stuff:

* unless I'm mistaken this past Saturday was C&P's third birthday. Congrats!!

* I saw a brief news clip on TV about the Denver Broncos cheerleader try-outs. One girl looked so much like you (with lighter hair) I swear she could have been your twin!

*TGIF! Happy weekend! :)

Barry said...

Oh, on the topic of break-ups. I think with age and experience comes perspective. Saying goodbye is rarely easy, but I think no matter how good or bad the relationship and susequent break-up was we always take something away from it. We learn what to do, what not to do, and I think we always learn more about ourselves in the process.

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, and that no matter what the situation might be there's usually something positive hidden amongst all of it somewhere. I always try to remember this saying, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

I don't want to make my comment too long, but I do want to say that I appreciate this post for the message you're bringing. For the last year, at any given time night or day my readers have been exchanging e-mails or texts with me about their relationships. I live for these conversations! Sandy and I have been together twenty years, and while I like being able to share my perspective I find I'm always seeing things in new ways from my younger friends. It's always good to hear how women view their relationships and I'm learning more.

Wow, was that kinda random? Anyway hope you're enjoying your day. :)

Lindsey @ The Hill House said...

I will never understand how people can have so much hatred and evil in their heart. It breaks my heart for them, but it does fascinate me as well. Part of me wishes I could be in their head to know what is so terrible that has made them make the choices they did.
On 4/20 I choose to celebrate my very good friend's birthday...Especially when it falls on a Friday! :)
Happy weekend dear!!!!

ff said...

I'm with Mandy...I thought this would be a post about weed. Lol.

But on a serious note, that story is so sad, but I'm so glad her dad has made something positive for the world out of it. That quote is SO true. I've been dumped, but mostly I have found myself to be the one doing the leaving. And it is almost never easy. You still care about that person (most of the time.) You don't want to hurt them. But you know it's not right to continue on when your romantic feelings are gone, unressurectable, or your thoughts wander to others. It's so sad to me that he was so heartbroken and too young to see that he would have other opportunities. She may have been the love of his life, but had he not killed her he might have met someone even more perfect for him outside of incarceration. I'm sure his life is a living hell emotionally.

erika sorocco said...

It's strange because, I feel like you are the only person who has ever brought up Columbine and Hitler on April 20th - which are the exact things I think of every single year on this date. To me, it's a day full of tragedy.

But that quote...amazing. Honestly, I think that it's surprising how quickly someone can hate another when a break-up is involved. Here you have two people who have been in love, and shared so much together. Just because the love (romantic-wise) is gone, doesn't mean that you have to be strangers to one another. :/

Jamie said...

Columbine always gives me a bit of a chill, since I was a senior in high school when it happened and it hit close to home.

One thing I always, always, always remind myself - try and see the world from everyone else's perspective and you may find yourself kinder, less judging, and more forgiving. We're all just people, we're all different, and no one has all the answers or is right all the time.

Happy weekend! :)

Unknown said...

I think this is a really important post. I also have gone through a really painful breakup and the only thing that helped me through it was realizing that being angry was not helping me, to just forgive the person and allow myself to love them as a friend. Holding all that anger inside of you will never make you happy, just let it go and let them go.


The Urban Umbrella

Anonymous said...

That's so great that her Dad is going around giving talks to young people. He went through such a horrible tragedy but maybe some positive things can come from it.

Ben & Cassie said...

I also have read a lot about these, thanks for posting, you made a negative thing have a positive note, thanks!

Kim Axani said...

You don't have to apologize for the deep talk. I'm fascinated too, how certain humans are just evil in carnate and can commit such horrifc crimes. It's even worse when such a crack pot becomes a world leader. I've read Hitler's bio and it was pretty interesting. Obviously these people are sick ... and just don't know how to handle it. It makes me wonder how many other sick, evil people there are walking around out there, doing their best to conceal it .. Happy Friday!

Julie Ann Lozada said...

oh, such a cute and sweet photo!

It’s a GIRL Thing

Jax said...

What a change!! Sometimes deep thought is a nice change in usual posts. Get's people thinking :) I have to admit that I agree with that quote!

P.S. I had no idea that it's Hitler's birthday. You taught me something!! I always thought of 4-20 as national pot smoking day! (Not that I ever smoked or ever will.)

Have a GREAT weekend!!

| C AND C | Sarmin said...

4/20, gotta love it...I know its Hitler's birthday, however I don't want to think about him. Columbine, that just upsetting. I was 11 when it happened, didn't really understand it back than, I should research it now.
I have mixed feelings about that quote right, but I do agree with it.

Unknown said...

wow. i didnt think of either of these events. infact i didnt think about anything other then myself for the whole day! this was a nice reminder to be thankful for the life i have and the people in it and to hope that i never have to experience anything like what the astley family must have gone through!

Unknown said...

wow. i didnt think of either of these events. infact i didnt think about anything other then myself for the whole day! this was a nice reminder to be thankful for the life i have and the people in it and to hope that i never have to experience anything like what the astley family must have gone through!

Hanz, Fashionista Era Design said...

really well written!!! you have expressed this view really well and its really unfortunate so much!!

my latest post on greece travel :))

Harriet said...

I'm always amazed when parents of someone who is killed then spend their time trying to prevent what happened to their kid. I think it's amazing that Mr. Astley can think beyond his own hurt and grief and try to make the world a better place. Thanks for sharing this... hope you have a great weekend! :)

Julie Khuu | Haute Khuuture said...

Aw honey, beautifully written. It's a nice respite from everyday life to think about what's happened/happening around the world. Love your insights along with your fashions...a true beauty from within!

I’m hosting 5 days of GIVEAWAYS in honor of my blog’s 2yr anniversary…5 chances to win! Would love for you to stop by and check it out!

Peace. Love. LOL!


naghmeh said...

I really try to live by be kind and be forgiving but it is so much easier said than done specially when it comes to significant others, forgiving can sometimes be more difficult. But I try because I know in the end I'll feel better about it too!

Elle Sees said...

you know i'm obsessed with columbine! of course i thought about it...the 13th anniversary and 13 deaths