Thursday, October 29, 2015

I hate $#*%^@+ T-Shirts

Do you know what I hate more than anything: T-Shirts. I completely loathe wearing t-shirts.

And no, I'll cut you right off at the pass: I'm not talking about chic tops masquerading as t-shirts with a swanky neck, drapey arms, breathable smooth fabric and a cut that darts perfectly to the side. I love those kind of tops and a t-shirt sir, they are not. I'm talking' your good ol' unisex, can buy in bulk, run of the mill, 'EVERYONE HAS TO WEAR ONE ON SATURDAY', "circle if you need a Sml/Med/Lrg/XL", suffocating neck t-shirt. They can honestly go [BEEP] themselves.

The reason this article of clothing is hated by me so much really comes down to the fact that it's ugly as f*ck, hard to get on and makes me look like Fabio whenever I'm in one. You see, I'm a girl who wears makeup and does her hair every day (before my husband calls me out, let me backpedal and say MOST days). Do I want to wrestle this shirt over my beloved lipstick? Do I take joy in ripping out my ponytail as I try to get it on? And all of that is for what? To look like Spongebob Square Pants? To have a top that easily pits out and flatters no part of my body? Do I like how it rests sloppily around my midsection for the duration of its stay? Since I'm not a hunky man with gorgeous broad shoulders - this look does nothing for me. 
I also hate that I'm always forced to wear one because they're always in the context of me being some part of a team. Therefore, I must always endure this garment which chokes me out the entire time lest I be considered not a 'team player'.
^T-Shirt variations I DO love

And on that note, the most perplexing part of the matching t-shirt epidemic is how many places they actually get invited to. From family reunions to work events to rec sports leagues (ok, that one kinda gets a pass) - everyone is always rocking the matchy t-shirt.  And do not even get me started on bachelorette parties who go wine tasting in them because they have decorated text on the front. The words "t-shirt" + "wine tasting" don't quite go together to me. Have you no respect for the wine Gods? Do you not see these palatial estates you are visiting? No t-shirts, no shoes, no service - those are the clear rules. C'mon ladies - please at least pick out something a) non-unisex b) your Grandpa has hanging in his closet.

I didn't want to request anything on my bachelorette party because my girls even taking a weekend for me was truly gift enough but I did manage to pull one girl aside during the planning stages out of fear:

Me: "Can we please not wear a bunch of matching cotton t-shirts? Tank-tops are fine or cute tops but please no unisex, big shirts. I seriously hate them."

Elena: "Omg, are you kidding? So not our style ... And we're going to Vegas, who wears those there for a bachelorette?!?"

My thoughts exactly.

And with that completely random as all get out rant, I bid ye well on your Thursday.

 photo blog sign-off_zpsnuhefhbr.jpg


Pat Hatt said...

lmao rant away. I don't have the ponytail or make up issues, so I can pull them over my head with ease haha hey, if you look like Sponge Bob maybe you'll get some royalties for advertising the show?

Ashley Lillis said...

I have to admit a own a wide variety of unisex tshirts, and it was what I wore most of the time in college. I will admit though, the one tshirt I do hate is the "women's cut" tshirt. I want to know how making a shirt super tight around the mid-drift area is flattering to a broad range of women. Anyways I don't want to start a rant too... I do agree with you about disrespecting the wine gods while wearing a bachelorette tshirt to a winery!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

ah ahhaha.

They are so unflattering. I have some I love, but I know I'm not portraying myself well in them.

Panty Buns said...

Eek! I'm caught in the act of writing blog comments whilst sitting in front of the computer in just a T-shirt and panties - and yes, it's one of those hated unisex run of the mill pocket - T-shirts. Oops! I do like the chic T-shirts and variations you do as well. Thinking back, you dress beautifully and I'm not surprised that standard T-shirts aren't part of your wardrobe.

Andrea Nine said...

I have tee issues too so I can totally relate! My husband loves to buy me a cute fitted touristy tee now and then but it usually stays in the drawer, lol. This post cracked me up!! Thanks for the smiles!!

Jax said...

LOL!! My job made me wear one a few weeks back at a trade show. Let's just say I was miserable. hahahaha @ your Fabio comment. I kind of look like a cardboard box when I wear one. Either way, they're a no go for me.

BLovedBoston said...

I think companies buy them because it's cheaper than alternatives lol...that's why company races or things like that are always harder for me to do haha! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

Panty Buns said...

Eek! I'm sitting here in just a "run of the mill" pocket T-shirt and full briefs whilst blog commenting (oops!)
Your selections of chic tops is nice. You always dress beautifully. I love the feminine fashions you wear and am not surprised you don't style t-shirts with them. Happy Thursday! I hope you have a fab Halloween.

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

Bahahahah... Spongebob!!!!!!!

Unknown said...

Hahahaha this is possibly the most random post I have ever read! I had so many of these shirts from cheer and camp and just life in general that I never wore so my mum helped me turn them into a blanket! Such a better use for them! :)

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

this is hilarious. i like tshirts to lay around the house in, but very rarely like them day to day, especially when i've done my makeup or hair. i like the chic ones you mentioned, or ones with lower necks. i HATE high necks, they make me feel like i'm gonna throw up.

julie @ said...

HAHAHA I have to say though, I am quite partial to a v-neck t-shirt with a pencil skirt... Or even just jean shorts with a funky necklace... But a normal t-shirt like that, nope. How unflattering!!! I would totally rip the collar up or something...!