Anyone who knows me well (or reads this blog, as I mention it probably more often than not) knows that I struggle to sleep. I've been this way since middle school and it has plagued me through my adult life. Sure it makes me great during NYE or on overnight drives from San Francisco to Portland, but frankly - it's quite a hardship in a world meant for early risers.
^Here's an emo pic of me at the beach to show you that I'm in deep thought about this topic
When Jay and I climb into bed together at night, I have a front row seat of what a normal sleeping schedule looks like. He'll scoot under the covers and wrap himself up like a burrito in a mash of sheets and poofy blankets while he knocks the pillow around until its abundant feathers lay as he hopes. He'll generally then lean over to give me a kiss on the forehead as he turns on his Kindle and begins his beloved nightly hobby of leaving behind his day and poring himself into the words and minds of others. Without fail, a few minutes later I'll see his eyelids languidly sweeping lower and lower. This is always followed by the Kindle delicately finding a diagonal resting spot on the tip of his nose. He's out. It's become my nightly duty to whisk his reading device from its makeshift home and place it gently on his nightstand as I tuck myself back into my side and wonder why I'm not tired to the point of drifting off like that. I've been tired quite literally all day long. Why not now? C'mon brain. C'mon body. Shut down. Shut down.
No dice. It's extremely rare that I am ever asleep before midnight but I'm more commonly awake in bed til about 1 AM.
I've tried many variants in the hope of fixing this problem: Herbal tea, natural relaxers such as Melatonin and of course, I've had a Doctor prescribe a few samples of non-over-the-counter options. They often worked but I'm a little freaked out by the thought of taking prescription sleeping pills every night so I never pursued them with regularity.
I often wonder if I'll ever not be tired again in my life. I'm always tired even when I'm laying awake staring at my ceiling counting as many sheep as I possibly can. But that is hardly exclusive to someone with insomnia, I'm sure. Does anyone ever feel fully-rested? Is this just life as we know it now that we no longer wear jelly shoes and have ribbons in our hair? Are we destined to always be tired?
Perhaps that is the case. And perhaps the only thing that amplifies our adulthood more than a persistent desire to take a nap is the way we all just suck it up and move on with our day regardless. It's not like I'm in a horrible mood or that I don't find joy in my surroundings as I go about said day. It's just that it'd be mighty nice to tackle them with the buoyancy of a well-rested child. A pipe dream, I know. And while we're at it universe, I don't want to get greedy but I would like my 3rd grade metabolism back. What was the point of giving me that in my most selfish phase? At least give a girl a chance to appreciate it like I would now!
Are you a good sleeper?
Early to bed, early to rise?
Or are you up counting sheep with the likes of me?